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Slumdog The Sequel

Dear Subscriber,

Reinsurance Towers just took Mrs Reinsurance Towers to go and see the Oscar-winning Slumdog Millionaire at the local cinema, and we have to say that it's well worth an Oscar or two.

Unbenown to the good lady, the film's director Danny Boyle, and Hollywood at large, Reinsurance Towers has already managed to phone up our all-important market sources and got a copy of the script to the sequel - yet unnamed.

We can tell you, it's quite a ride.

We've managed to get a hold of all four (that's right - the studios are planning to choose one of FOUR) endings to the new film.

Being the kind people we are at this magazine, we thought we'd ruin the sequel for you with the scenarios given to us by market sources.

SLUMDOG GADZILLIONAIRE: Slumdog's star Jamal is visited by a nifty hedge fund manager, who tells him to short the US and UK stock markets as a whole, and take out some short positions on UK and US banks, and a small little American company called AIG. A few million rupees becomes a few billion rupees, and our hero's not trying to sell fake tours outside the Taj Mahal, he's using the place as a hotel.

SLUMDOG BILLIONAIRE: Jamal keeps some of his money in cash, but he still shorts AIG, Citigroup, Washington Mutual, Lehman Brothers, and the UK banks - apart from HSBC and Standard Chartered, who's he's heard might be OK. It's not enough to buy the Taj Mahal, but I'm sure he can live with the big house in Mumbai and two recently-vacated ones in West Palm Beach.

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE II: Realizing world banking Armageddon is on its way, our hero refuses to 'speculate to acccumulate', and decides to simply keep the cash and compound some of his savings in a pension for Lakita, his heroine, and the kids. He's a bit less wealthy because he's bought a house in Mulabar Hills, South Delhi.

SLUMDOG BACK TO SLUMMING: In a retrospective story, our hero tells us how he actually got to be in the slums in the first place. It wasn't the fact that he was a poor kid. It was the fact that he'd made millions from "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire", and then decided to buy stocks of AIG, Citigroup, and those UK banks we were telling you about. He decides to invest the rest with a couple of guys who run these things called 'Ponzi Schemes' - apparently they're the talk of the news right now.

Bet you can't wait to see which film comes out in 2010! See you at the Oscars next year!

And lastly, we'd like to thank God, The Academy, our family and our friends for giving us some good news.

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